When I die, I think a few people will probably be sad. I mean I’m a decent enough person and I don’t think I have any enemies. I don’t want my final goodbye to be a bummer. Until yesterday, I could never picture a way to have a funeral not be depressing but while watching the Bears vs. Saints wildcard game the idea struck me like a freight train. I want my funeral produced by Nickelodeon.
No questions asked. Consider this to be my last will and testament. Did you see that game yesterday? Absolutely electric.
Here is what I need
-Every single person in attendance will have googly eyes and a cheeseburger hat.
-The procession of my coffin will be animated with Blockies.
-My obituary will not provide any personal information. It will however compare me to Nick characters.
-Lex Lumpkin will read my eulogy as Barrack Obama.
-If there are any kids there that don’t understand death, Young Sheldon will pop up out of nowhere to explain mortality.
– Gabrielle Nevaeh Green will be consoling the bereaved in a Cardi B voice.
– My coffin will be lowered into a grave with Sponge Bob superimposed over it so everyone knows the placement was good.
-My gravestone will be shaped like a Blimp.
– And last but certainly not least. Slime. Every single person. Slimed. No one is safe. From the windows to the walls.
That’s about it. Make it happen fam or I will haunt your ass ’til the end of time.