Being a father has been the most fulfilling endeavor I have ever taken on. April of 2016, my wife gave birth our son and our lives were changed forever. What I had seen that day was beautiful, even if I was naive to the fact that an infant’s head elongates to fit out of the birthing canal. Never the less I was able to look past the shape his head and take on the responsibly of grooming him to be an honest, kind and respectable man (or woman, whatever s/he will identify as).
I’m not going to lie; it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Everyone has heard new parents talk ad nauseum about the trials and tribulations of the first months/years of a child’s life. The stories are true but for the sake of this forum I will spare the details. What you don’t often hear is how the most inconsequential or mundane occurrence can bring so much light and elation into any moment. An involuntary facial twitch, a fart, a hiccup, falling asleep, reaching for a toy…. Everything is new and the pride that you take from these times are indescribable.
Our son is 4 and a half now and he is incredibly thoughtful, caring and empathetic. He loves to pretend he is a superhero and run around the yard with reckless abandon. He picked up baseball incredibly quick, skipped right over hitting off a tee and smacks soft toss home runs over the house and into the street. He is curious and loves to learn about letters, numbers and nature. He is quick to dole out comforting hugs or kisses whenever the situation calls for it.
He reminds me so much of myself. He will spend hours making up elaborate landscapes of fantasy worlds to play with his action figures in. He can’t stand vegetables and would live off of deli meat if we allowed him. He loves being with his cousins and getting into wrestling battles. We are the basically the same person. Except I’m pretty sure he’s the Devil.
This kid has so much energy that its actually crazy. I’m sure your thinking that all kids are active at that age and you’re right. That’s why I think that my favorite part of the day is when, as a family we wind down after dinner. We will do something calming like a puzzle or coloring or a board game. Sometimes we’ll watch a movie and he will cuddle with us on the couch. You get to see his real personality in these times and you realize how thoughtful and funny he is. It’s the best.
Recently one of our wind down activities has been playing a Lego Marvel Superhero game on the Xbox. It is a harmless, nonviolent game and he gets a kick out of it because he recognizes the characters and gets try out their super powers. It was tough for him figure out the controls at first but he eventually got better and now he plays the game with no boundaries. It’s so fascinating to see how their minds adapt to any new environment they are put in.
Last night we were playing our wind down game before bed and he kept running away in the LEGO world to enter a water level. I said to him “What are you doing buddy? Let’s help out these people.” He then uttered the words that will change my life forever.
“I want to do the water level. The water level is my favorite!”
wut?
“I LOVE the water levels! You need to do swimming Daddy!”
First of all, Fuck you dude. Do I look like I need to go swimming? Second off, Water levels? WATER LEVELS? Fuck outta here, water levels. Grow up bro. I don’t care that your fuckin 4 or whatever, if you enjoy a water level you can fuck right off. I mean that is some next level psychopath shit, right? Water levels? You know what I like about video games? Floating around at 10% speed trying to happen onto an air bubble so I don’t choke and have to start the level over. It’s the best! Fucking water levels. I’ll say it. Whoever made the first video game water level should be forced to choose between two family members and whoever he (or she, you won’t catch me assuming gender, I’m not the monster here) doesn’t choose will be drowned. You know when you were little and your parents said to you “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” and your world crumbled? Well my dad said that to me last night after I told him what my dumbass kid said about fucking water levels. Kid’s for sure the Devil.
And now here’s my 10 Worst water levels of all time!!!!!!!!
10. Mario 64 – Jolly Roger Bay
9. Sonic the Hedgehog – Labyrinth Zone
8. Earthworm Jim – Down the Tubes
7. Monster Hunter – Lagiacrus
6. Star Fox 64 – Aquas
5. Legend of Zelda – Ocarina of Time
4. Banjo Kazooie – Clanker’s Cavern
3. Super Mario Bros. (NES)
2. Skies of Arcadia – Mt. Kazai
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) – Water Dam