I don’t like to brag but there are moments in everyone’s lives when you catch yourself off guard and achieve something that you didn’t know you had inside yourself. The point of this post is not to make anyone feel lesser than but more to take a moment, step back and appreciate what you can accomplish when the pressure is on and you don’t see a path to victory. It is amazing what we are all capable of. Every day we face a world with seemingly insurmountable challenges and nothing in our holster except the human spirit and will to defiantly overcome the unfair hand this existence has dealt. As I sit here now reflecting on my day, I feel an abundance of pride knowing that today I won. Today I told the universe to go fuck itself. Today I beat the odds. Today I hung a picture.
I know, right? I hung a picture… ON THE WALL… With TOOLS. Hey world, You like apples?
Do you wanna hear something kinda crazy? It wasn’t even that hard! Seriously. So, what I’m going to do now is lay out for you, step by step, how to hang up a picture.
Ricki Does DIY
Project: Hang A Picture on the Wall
Skill Level: Intermediate
Time: 7-10 hours
Tools Required: Hammer, Nail, Picture, Wall, access to Wi-fi, Car, Netflix, Beer, Cell Phone, USA Network, Phone number for sandwich shop, WWE Network, Son, Disney+, Frozen Stuffed Crust DiGiorno
Step 1: 8AM – Ask wife if there is anything you need to do today.
Step 2: 8AM-11AM – Watch Law & Order SVU on USA Network.
Step 3: 11AM – Ask wife again what you needed to do. Learn you need to hang up a picture for the first time ever.
Step 4: 11AM-1PM – Lay out plan of attack while watching the 1992 Royal Rumble on WWE Network.
Step 5: 1PM – Order a Large Italian Sub with no tomatoes and extra vinegar, Grilled Chicken Caesar wrap with dressing on the side and a grilled cheese.
Step 6: 1PM-1:30PM – Watch the first half of an episode of Law & Order SVU on the USA Network.
Step 7: 1:30PM-2PM – Pickup food and go to the store for a 12 pack of Lagunitas.
Step 8: 2PM – Look in the garage to see if you remember where the hammer is.
Step 9: 2PM-2:30PM – Eat lunch and watch an episode of the Office on Netflix.
Step 10: 2:30PM – Tell wife that your son wants to watch Avengers Endgame with you on Disney+.
Step 11: 2:30PM-5:30PM – Half watch Endgame, Half play games on phone. Sit on couch and drink 5 Lagunitas.
Step 12: 5:30PM – Ask wife if the picture definitely needs to go up today.
Step 13: 5:30PM-5:45PM – Defuse Situation
Step 14: 5:45PM-6PM – Look for hammer in the garage, sift through the cup full of nails looking for the perfect one. Drink a beer.
Step 15: 6PM-7PM – Ask Son if he’s hungry. Heat up a DiGiorno meat lovers stuffed crust frozen pizza. Watch Office. Drink beer.
Step 16: 7PM – Tell wife that you can’t find the hammer in the garage.
Step 17: 7PM-7:15PM – Wife reminds you that she already put the hammer, nail and picture in the room and all you had to do all day was hang a fucking picture on the wall.
Step 18: 7:15PM – Find place on wall where you would like to hang the picture.
Step 19: 7:15PM – Hammer nail until roughly ½ inch remains visible
Step 20: 7:15PM – Find hook on back of picture, place hook on nail
Step 21: 7:15PM-???? – Drink Beer, make babies.
And there you have it! Was my work perfect? Probably not, and that’s OK. We need to be supportive of each other and if me sharing my story inspires one person to change a light bulb or use a hamper when the floor is just staring at them, it will all be worth it. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do our best and today I came out on top.